


The Light Prince

by Kim_Kardashian



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-12
Updated: 2015-11-12
Packaged: 2018-05-01 05:24:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5193833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kim_Kardashian/pseuds/Kim_Kardashian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Um.</p><p>Levi "I'm constantly worrying about erectile dysfunction and use sex to escape my problems" Ackerman is twenty eight, and he's okay. Not too bad considering a lot of things. And Eren "I don't want to be a fuckboy anymore" Jaeger is a man child coping with old shit that sometimes catches up to him.</p><p>Time is irrelevant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Light Prince

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dottie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dottie/gifts).



> Inspired by "The Light Princess" :ooo  
> I'm trying to write material that is a bit more serious, I'll post a kagehina and ereri story next, so stay tuned

Who would've known that blowing Mike in college would lead him to living at this very present second, where he supposed every story began with "The". The. Motherfucking the. Like "The Blowjob That Changed My Life" or "The Moment I Met Erwin Smith and His Rich Dad Offered Me a Job". Both titles would be suitable for his memoir, if he ever decided to write one. The walls were white and bare and lifeless, colorless because this was the world of finance and law. If Levi wanted metaphorical or literal colors in his life, he would have majored in Philosophy and smoked with Nile in college, but he was too tired to give a shit and too lazy to find anything slightly meaningful.

Now, he was a deep thinker, he could shit out thoughts but never ever share them, because they were the boring, usual humanistic rumination. He could see his reflection on his oak wood desk, the result of Mina's handiwork. "Mr. Ackerman, you have a caller on line three. It's Ms. Mikasa Ackerman."

"Yeah, go ahead."

 _"Really, Levi? Kenny's fucking with me, he wants to know when your ass is coming."_ Her voice was flat and bothered, mirroring exactly what he felt at the moment. 

"I'm working."

 _"Aren't you always? Just get here, everyone's waiting for you and I'm not covering your ass this time. Kuchel wants to kick my shit because I can't get you at a fucking family reunion. You better be here."_ She hung up before he could even suggest a soft "Suck my dick" or "I am an adult with a job, not everything is about Kenny, you voracious bitch."  

This phone call became the most important moment in his life, the universe and Mike's blowjob aligned, and Levi got in his car and dreaded each mile closer to his mother's house. His family proved to be the opposite. Of everything he stood for. It proved itself in decor tastes, always surprising him. He preferred standard white or cream colored walls, complemented by simple yet expensive furniture. Kuchel prided herself in being woman of grandeur, she wanted to be surrounded by lavish wine red, a family room that screamed opulence, and glass tables in every corner that promised a hazard more than aesthetic pleasure.

He was looked at with awe, embodying the role of a successful lawyer, a perpetually single bachelor. The contrast between him and Mikasa was that Mikasa could date forever, whenever, and he could barely handle actual romance, much less see the value besides sex. Not in a 'I'm a rich playboy'-esque way, he just legitimately didn't have time for another person. So it didn't surprise him to see Mikasa's new boy toy wrapped around her arm, greeting the rest of the Ackerman family as if he were going to be part of it someday. He wasn't going to be, even in his wildest dreams.

This was the essential mistake, his first of many. And Levi couldn't help himself, he took a peek of Mr. Will-Never-Be-Ackerman, eyes refusing to blink. 

The man besides Mikasa was absolutely _something_. His skin was a rich dark color that clashed with Mikasa's paleness. None of Mikasa's boys were ever ugly. There was no flaw on his face or clothes, and his expression was one of pure apathy. 

"Levi! Levi, over here." Mikasa flashed him a grin and waved, the man beside her didn't even spare him a glance.

Pressing his wine glass to his chin, he kept neutrality in every stride and actually considered a polite greeting but this was his mother's house,so who was he kidding? "I skipped a meeting for this, just an FYI."

Mikasa ignored him and pulled the man closer to her side. "This is Eren Jaeger, the person I've been telling you about." Eren Jaeger finally gave him his full attention, _finally_ simmering with polite interest, but nothing drastic or even slightly uplifting made Levi want to keep talking (mostly to rake sexual interest). "He's a model for _Trost_ magazine, and he's incredible." 

"Really?" Levi doubted that. Eren nodded, finally providing an expression that wasn't soulless. 

"Mikasa's right. About the modeling part, at least. I just graduated from Sina University, so I'm just in for the job." His voice edged with a slight roughness, completely rogue. Fuck.

"What did you major in?"

"Business administration, with a minor in Spanish. Mikasa, honey, I'll be right back. My horse just came back from the stables." Eren kissed her on the cheek, casting Levi a dismissive wave, and disappeared into the Ackerman crowd.

"He has a horse?" 

Mikasa gave a burst of laughter, lowering her voice for no one to hear, mostly Kuchel. "Oh, God no. He's talking about Jean Kirschtein. They get along sometimes, but Eren's a little special. He's the guy over there, the one with the blond and brownish hair, next to Armin."

"How many fucking people did you invite to this thing? It's a family reunion." She scoffed, eyes persistently kept on Eren. "So, where'd you find him?"

"I didn't find him anywhere, he's been one of my closest friends since my second year at Sina. I found him sucking Jean's dick and I almost joined them, if you want me to be honest. He's a hot mess." She sighed, fanning herself with a manicured hand, her ruby lips pressed down to a thoughtful smile.

 _He is_ , he wanted to say. Even more so since Eren wouldn't be opposed to the idea of sexual participation with men. "You're glowing and I think...I think he fucked you." Shame settled in his gut for actually being tempted to sleep with his sister's current object of interest, but why not? It's not like Eren seemed like the type to want something more than just a good fuck, and if he didn't, then all was well. After all, Levi knew how to accept rejection, blame the game, not the player. 

"No...just once, because he knew I had a thing for him. What about you and Petra? I haven't seen her since the May dinner."

Levi pictured smashing the wine glass into crystals, completely Leonardo DiCaprio style, but Petra wasn't worth all the commotion or even the slightest petty gesture. "She's in the past."

"Really?"

* * *

His pen stopped working mid-sentence, and somehow it managed to bother him. It's not like he was writing a particularly interesting sentence. His new secretary, Historia, was efficient and pleasantly short-spoken. With work piling up and an empty apartment to go to after completing it, he was considering a call to Erwin. Even Hange seemed like great company at the moment, and that in itself meant he was in need of a drink. Petra's belongings were still in his apartment, and he didn't have the heart to call her or hear her voice. It's so amazing how he went from being sexually infatuated to having extreme dislike for a person in the course of a week. Trost Hotel had called him for new suite discounts, and he had made the effort to seem casual about the fact that his favorite fuck buddy was no longer in the horizon.

Petra had beautiful legs, he remembered. Her calves were curvaceous and toned, they wrapped so gently, yet firmly around his waist when he carried her from the living room to the master bedroom. She liked to whisper Levi's name into his chest, always a slutty saint. He had actually grown fond of her, but she was very..."I want two kids, a house by the shore, and maybe a parakeet." His soul screamed no, beach houses have extremely high insurance rates, he could barely take care of himself, much less two other human beings, and he wanted a dog, not a fucking bird.

Still, she was the first woman that mattered romantically. When she sucked his dick, it actually meant something to him, made him feel that she was more than just a mouth. Petra could absolutely be beautiful in bed and out of it, and maybe that's what it all whittled down to. He tried to reason that only the physical could be addressed, but she wanted more, and Levi wanted just what they had. So he had arrived to quite the nasty surprise to see Oluo inside her, cupping her breasts and doing things Levi had been doing three weeks ago. The following events seemed conventional. He fired her (yes, Petra was an amazing secretary, _his_ secretary), and made sure his phone number was changed and his new apartment would be purchased by next month. Mikasa didn't know, she didn't need to, but Kuchel had actually hinted that marriage wasn't that far down the road. It wasn't now considering the circumstances, and it never will be. He wasn't bitter, per se, but no one liked to be a fool, and he knew there were plenty of individuals on this Earth who were eventually to be in his office, and settling into his bed believing they were loved.

"Is this your new apartment lease form, Mr. Ackerman?"

"Fuck you. Hange, stop."

Hange actually smiled, that bitch, and pressed her acrylic nails all over his polished oak wood desk. "I'm assuming Petra fucked up and you don't want to think about it when you masturbate by yourself in that old apartment." Her glasses were new, he noted, and she had gotten a haircut. Her brown curls spilled out of a messy bun, meant she was either screwing Moblit in her study, or Erwin finally made a move. 

"You overestimate my sexual appetite."

She actually laughed, really loud, and Historia was probably scared and whispering furiously into the phone for some """assistance""". He wasn't stupid, Ymir was impossible to notice. "I think you need a new honey. But enough about you and your unhealthy relationships, let's talk about your upcoming client."

"Client?"

"I'm going to Puerto Rico in a few days, and I need you to tend to him. He's one of my biggest clients in this area. Should be coming in, let's say, in a week. Dr. Grisha Jaeger, a Physical Therapist in the Shinganshina University Hospital. Just consult with him, and I'll handle the paperwork." The word "Jaeger" piqued his interest, his chest was airless again. There weren't that many Jaegers in Trost, unless he was a relative of Mikasa's boy toy.

"You owe me. Historia, place him in my list. Dr. Grisha Jaeger, a free consultation."

_"Yes, Mr. Ackerman. Do you want to mail the payment for the upcoming luncheon?"_

"No, not right now. Thanks." Hange raised her eyebrows at the voice from the phone speaker, aware Petra no longer worked for him.

"So you got a new secretary. Is she cute at least?"

"She's a raging homosexual," Levi said wryly.

"Oh honey, at least I know she's hot as hell." 

* * *

Levi loved his cat immensely. She was a mix of black, brown, and white, and she was quiet and peaceful. Her name was Bean and he had adopted her from the shelter when she was three months old. 

"I'm home." 

His voice echoed, but the cat came running to greet him, her body rubbing fondly against his legs. Petra had purchased a brand new bag of cat food, probably the only thing that will be worth keeping. His suitcase was heavy with the amount of manila files within it, and his laptop painfully dug into his leg.

The cat litter box didn't require any cleaning, his apartment was moderately messy, but not embarrassingly enough if a guest happened to arrive. He had hours at his disposal to no only complete his work for the day, but probably reviewing upcoming cases should be his priority. There were no missed calls from his mother, which meant she was either in France or shopping for vintage tea cups.     

It was strange speaking to her sometimes, because they never probed beneath the surface, only keeping the conversation to something dry like her new interior design plans. Not that be ever missed her, but he always came upon a realization that there was a part of him that wished for someone to fill that maternal void in his life, especially on Christmas day.

Kenny was always there, that bastard, but he was rough and walked in on Levi sucking another guy off with a lot of gusto (it happened during a grad school winter break). Who that person was, who knows, but Kenny made sure to spin a few gay jokes in family dinners. 

The closest thing to a real attachment to another person who gave him the maternal care he needed was Isabel Magnolia. Or Isabel Magnolia-Church, as she was known these days. A fiery soul, a few years older than him, but very beautiful in every sense of the word. Farlan was a good man too, and Levi had no problem making their duo a trio when Farlan proposed to her during their trip in Mexico. 

Her email was short and promising:

_Levi!!_

_I'm in Pennsylvania with Farlan's parents. Guess what?? I'm pregnant, and I hope you're excited because you're the godfather. See you soon, say hi to Petra for me. I should be at your office by next week, Farlan is done with his certification exam and he got a spot at Sina Uni Hospital! Can't wait to see you!!_

_Love,_

_Isabel :)_

It was about time she got pregnant. Farlan was probably shitting his pants, but it was nice. 

Being twenty-eight, he should at least consider a serious relationship at this point, because once the news reached Mikasa, Kuchel will be there to hound his ass. 

If only everyone was as understanding as Bean. 

* * *

" _Mr. Ackerman, Dr. Jaeger is here."_

"Alright."

The man he conjured up in his head looked nothing like Eren. This man was square-jawed, with neatly trimmed facial hair and expensive glasses. His hair passed his shoulders, no strand out of place.

And he wasn't alone, because Eren Jaeger was right behind him, looking beautiful and absolutely pissed off. "Sorry, Mr. Ackerman. I hope my son's presence isn't an inconvenience. Eren, this is Mr. Ackerman, an associate of Dr. Zoe's."

Eren scoffed, but once his eyes made contact with Levi's, his anger seemed to simmer into once again that polite interest. 

"It's good to see you again, Eren."  And Eren again gave him a small smile, his dark eyebrows furrowing less.

"I could say the same, Levi."

"Have you two met before?" 

Keeping his face neutral, he regained his bearings because he honestly forgot Eren's father existed. "Of course, I had the pleasure to meet your son at my family gathering. He was with my sister."

Dr. Jaeger frowned, somehow looking at his son with more than just curiosity. "Mikasa is your sister? What a small world."

"Yes, it is," Levi replied, motioning for them to sit down. "Eren told me about his time at Sina University, quite prestigious. You should be proud, especially when young men his age are taking the easy way out with Trost Community College."

"My son is twenty-six, I wouldn't say young. Anyway, I came here because I want to file a divorce. Dr. Zoe said she would take over for the rest of my case, but that I could provide the details for you."

"Yes, she did. Right now, she's on vacation, but I can get the ball rolling." Eren shifted uneasily in his seat, his skinny jeans made professionalism a greater task. 

"I am open to all types of negotiations with her, she can keep the house if she wishes."

"Alright, well I'll get in contact with her after you fill in these documents. Sign here." Eren looked at the papers as if they were rancid, and then directed his stare towards his father, expression not changing. 

Levi understood the feeling.

* * *

Eren loved money and he loved being prepared. For everything. It's why he was a fabulous model, he knew what he had to do, where to look, how to smile, how to angle his elbow, which pose flattered his jawline, exactly how open his eyes should be.

Details.

They're everything. But he hated his family and he hated everything else. His certificate of graduation from Sina University was framed and next to his Shiganshina Preparatory Academy diploma. He was surrounded by his robotics club trophies and cross country medals, countless Principal's Honor Rolls and track batons engraved with his name. Yet underneath it all, he could see the wooden opening he made in the shelf when he was sixteen and his rolled up joints were safely stored.  

"Mr. Jaeger, do you want your room painted Light Mint or Pastel Jade? We have more swatches here, or we can order the catalog from Home Depot."

"Light Mint is fine," he replied automatically, appreciating the fact that he could decorate his own future apartment without any interference from his mother or anyone else. His parents were getting a divorce, and where did that land him? He was their only son, and Grisha knew he wasn't going to take it well. Flipping out his wallet, he could see in fine gold print:

**_Levi Ackerman_**

**Attorney at Law**

He wanted to see Levi again, if only to just look at his attractive face. Mikasa was beautiful, but Levi, Levi was another phenomenon. He could see in Levi's eyes a predator, a human connoisseur. And Eren had felt his father's stare, one that was alarmed when he realized his son knew the lawyer, his eyes screaming: Are you fucking him too? Have you slept with Levi Ackerman?

No, he hasn't, yet. But boy did he want to. Yet Jean loved to swim behind the deepest crevices of his mind _._  

The thing is, he's realized, is that the people he always loved will always be the actual embodiment of feces. Jean didn't want something serious, but he wanted Eren to stop drinking. Push Eren to do things, to be better, and he would hate Jean if Jean actually wasn't the reason he stopped drinking. Barely touched a drop at gatherings, but he still found himself looking at a bottle or shot glass, wanted to down it in one go and feel everything water away. His therapy sessions have gone fairly well, but he stopped going to them because it was his father's money and he couldn't stand seeing his mother's silent screaming judgmental stare. It always looked like:

_What have we not given you, Eren? You went to the best schools in the state, graduated at the top of your classes. You have a high paying job, but why didn't you go pre-med like your father? You were never pressured to do well, you're just like my father. He was an alcoholic, too. You think I never noticed your cigarette boxes. You're twenty-two, this childish nonsense has to stop. Eren, I said calm down, just calm down, you're my only son, don't disappoint me._

Fuck. Carla was probably doing something cultured right now, maybe she was reading a classic, or crying because she received a call from Levi. She knew about the divorce. She must know by now. 

 **My Jean Stallion:** eren let's go out for dinner yeah??

"Fucking piece of shit." _I know you screwed with Armin, I hate you, I hate you so fucking much._

* * *

When he finally came to, that familiar echo of all sounds and heaviness in his limbs made him remain on the couch. He couldn't face Grisha like this. Without stopping, he shook off his shirt and pants, and rinsed the shot glass. There were painkillers in his cabinet, he remembered, and he was going to need concealer to cover the bags. Mikasa had eye drops, he could stop by her house. Maybe hit up McDonald's on the way. 

* * *

"I don't see Petra here. Where is she?" 

He stopped typing, because he hadn't heard Petra's name in days, and suddenly it all it came back and Mikasa did not look happy about finding out the unspoken truth from just looking at his face. "We're not together, anymore. Not that we ever were, but you get my point."

"What happened, did you mess up again? Levi, I swear-"

"Shut the fuck up, it wasn't me this time. Yeah. Me too, I'm surprised, thanks." She blinked, clearly not believing him, and he seriously considered kicking her out of his office. "She was getting fucked real good by the time I got home, and it wasn't me." God, he wanted to yell at everyone.

"Oh." She said it so softly, pity spiked in there, and he was pissed and it wasn't even five yet.

"Yeah. 'Oh.'"

"You don't have to be an asshole."

"You don't have to be here right now. Bye."

Angering Mikasa was never a good idea for anyone, but he knew he could take her on. Probably the only one who could take her on and be moderately unscathed. Her nostrils were flared, and she had _small_ nostrils, so they were pretty noticeable. "I just wanted to let you know that Jean's taking me to dinner, so I won't be going to that luncheon of yours." She made sure to let her absence be known with the slam of the door. Okay, he should be expecting the cold silent treatment for about a week, and being ignored was something he hated. But it was Mikasa, she was going to have to talk to him.

_"Mr. Ackerman, Eren Jaeger is here to see you in Dr. Jaeger's place."_

_Let him in, yes this is exactly what I needed. Fuck everyone else_. Eren was going to be with him, completely alone and in utter privacy within the confines of his office. _Wow, that didn't sound disturbing at all_ , he thought wryly. "Let him in, Historia." So much control was needed to contain the excitement from seeping into his voice. 

A few seconds later, Eren's beautiful face slipped through the door crack, his confident grin replaced with a shy smile. "Mr. Ackerman."

"Levi is fine, I'm only two years older than you, Eren." He made sure to taste the two syllables of Eren's name, to see his eyes glitter underneath the shitty fluorescent lighting of his office. God, he's never wanted someone like this, Eren was a mystery and just knowing his full name was not enough, because hot people always had something dark underneath it all. Either something spectacularly tragic or strangely psychopathic. So he decided to focus on Eren's face for now. Two year difference, how amazing was this.

"Right. Well, I came here for my dad, he's a little busy at the moment. Uh, it's the paperwork for the divorce."

"Oh. Yes, give me that. I'll just write this down. There, a little reminder." Eren was still standing there, pointedly glancing at the painting behind Levi's head. He wore a simple white t-shirt and black jeans. And his eyes looked somewhat dim, as if he pulled an all-nighter but forced himself up for the day.  

"Can I help you with something else, Eren?" 

A biting lip. Shifty hands. Do dreams come true? "I know this is, um, breaking professional boundaries. You called my mom, I was just curious about what she said."

Oh. He felt oddly disappointed, that sentence began at such a great direction, and maybe he should stop it with his perversions. "Yes, I did." And he remembered, Carla Jaeger laughed and told him to spewing nonsense. That she was a woman of decency, who the fuck is this? It's a joke, right? Maybe one of Eren's friends. Grisha would never do or want such a thing. But once he confirmed, she remained quiet. _"After everything I've done for him. Twenty-two years, gone with a signature."_ Levi hesitated. "Well, she wasn't upset, if that's what you're asking."

His face soured. "Wow. Uh, thank you, Levi."

"Wait." It's now or never. "I know this is something big. If you want, you're free to be my guest at a luncheon I'm going to in a week. Mikasa refuted her invitation, and I can't go alone. Is there any chance you'd want to go with me?"

Eren frowned and closed his mouth _slowly_ , still processing the invitation _slowly_. They barely knew each other, but... "Yeah, I'll go."

Levi, without a doubt, wanted this week to be a blur. "My number is on that business card, text me and I'll pick you up." 

Eren didn't stop smiling. "Of course, see you there Levi." Oh, he was having some heart palpitations. 

* * *

He picked his best suit and shaved off all body hair, plucked his eyebrows, and exfoliated. His muscles rippled underneath this blazer, but Eren was worth impressing. It was a rush he felt up to his finger tips, one that he hasn't felt since he was a child and Kenny promised him a trip to Florida. 

 **You:** Are you ready?

The incoming text came in less than three minutes, and maybe Eren was just as excited as he was. 

 **Eren:** yeah I live at 104 pixis dr 

As of right now, Mikasa still wasn't speaking to him and he didn't know how to approach her with the news that he had a date with one of her best friends. Still, the potential blood shed was acceptable, and this date could be a failure. Not that it was bound for it, but he decided to use his best car, a sleek black Porsche with an exceptionally clean interior. After working for Erwin's father as an intern in the Smith law firm, Levi had made a significant amount of money piling up in his savings account. He had went in a suit buying frenzy, purchasing only the exquisite in objects and in sex. 

During these three years, Levi felt the world at his fingertips and explored his newfound freedom within every facet of his existence. It was beautiful. And so was Eren, as he watched him come out of his apartment, dressed in a grey suit, his thick dark hair was styled and swept messily to the side. "You look amazing."

He wasn't sure if he had said those words or if Eren had. Based on Eren's sheepish stare, he knew Eren had and he wanted to kiss him right there, have a hot make-out session in the driveway of some stranger's house. But if he can hold his shit while Kenny made fun of his dick size in front of the entire family, he could handle a damn compliment. "Thank you, you also look great. Get inside, everyone is going to love you." _Especially me._

"Thanks for the invitation by the way. I was feeling a bit down, so this is pretty nice." Eren's cologne wasn't one he's smelled before, it was floral, yet masculine. "-kind of hard handling my parents and the divorce. So, where are you taking me?"

He kept his eyes on the road, still ravishing the feeling of Eren's stare, the sensation of somebody hungrily watching him was more desirable than any food offered at the luncheon at this point. "It will be at the Trost Institute of Technology, I'm an honorary guest. And don't worry about it, your parents are having the smoothest divorce I've ever seen in my life."

"Really?"

"Really." It's not a complete lie, but having Mrs. Jaeger scream in his ear was not the best way to spend ten minutes. "I'm glad this is helping you. Emotionally, that is. A divorce doesn't affect just the two parties involved, but if you ever need anything, you have my number." 

"Thank you. Ah, we're here. God, such a beautiful campus. Armin went here, now he's working for Erwin Smith as a biomedical engineer."

"Yeah, I've heard from Erwin that he's absolutely brilliant. This school has a great engineering program, really competitive. Smart people tend to stick together." But what he was hearing from Erwin had nothing to do with Armin's capabilities of being an engineer, that old bastard.

Eren laughed obliviously, and sometimes Levi regretted knowing too much. "Nope. I'm not smart. I just have a lot of luck."

"How long have you been a model?"

"Uh, I started when I was seventeen, but then stopped. I was kinda short on cash by twenty-four, and _Trost_ magazine was scouting, so here I am." He wanted to ask more questions, but if he seemed too eager now, that could lead to dire consequences later, and Levi wasn't in the mood for another Petra.

"That's-"

"Levi!" Isabel waved in a manner similar to Hange's, but of course, her timing was terrible as always. Not even two minutes out of the car, and his conversation and low-key attempt to get to know Eren better was cut short."I promised to come to your office last week, but I couldn't make it. Farlan had the stomach virus and I had to do everything myself." Her red hair was all bundled into a messy bun, her ears were recently pierced and Levi knew he was going to be hearing great stories from her once everything settled down. 

"No, that's fine. Isabel, this is Eren Jaeger, the son of one of my clients. He's my partner for the guest of honor." He was hoping Isabel wouldn't catch the way he said partner, because even if she couldn't do math to save her life, she was perceptive when it came to shit Levi didn't want her to know about. Almost like Hange, except Hange would actually embarrass him.

"Isabel?" Eren's eyes lit up in recognition, before he broke out into a delighted smile. "You're back! Carla didn't tell me-"

"Eren, my beautiful, beautiful babe. I didn't know you knew Levi." _I didn't know you knew Eren either,_  Levi wanted to fucking cry. "Yeah, I just got back, we have a lot of catching up to do. I have to go now, I just had to drop something off at the office. Bye Eren, Levi." She gave them both a kiss and ran off before they could say anything else. 

"How do you know Isabel?" 

"She's my cousin, from my mother's side. Pretty much the only person who knows me well." Eren's voice softened, and the thought just burst into his mind. He wondered what it would take for Eren to speak of him that way, to hold Levi at such a high and personal regard.

"That's great, Isabel is an amazing person." Maybe he was getting old, or it was probably the lack of sex. He may be close to thirty, but he still felt like a hormonal teenager. The hallways smelled like fresh paint, even the carpet was new. Once they both took their reserved table, he allowed himself to appreciate the simple decor. Red tablecloths and clear glass plates, he noticed the buffet beside them and service workers arranging the pastries. It was as if the moment he walked in with Eren, every guest saw it fit to stare at them, unwavering. Those who were brave enough asked about Erwin or begged for a sneak peek to an upcoming project.

As he spoke, professionalism took over, but he could still feel Eren's stare, one that wasn't just observing. He was tempted to do many unspeakable things.  

"So why are you the guest of honor?" Eren asked, genuine curiosity didn't make him mind the question.

"Erwin donated a lot of cash to this school's research labs. All those grants and shit, well, he couldn't make it. So here I am, with you of course." Levi let a smile slip through, before keeping an eye out for any other associates or collaborators. "I'll be giving a speech in a few seconds."

"Wow. So you're young _and_ successful."

"-years in this institution. Now, I present to you, everyone, a generous benefactor, Mr. Levi Ackerman!" Levi stood up, grinning at the raucous clapping and cheers.

He had memorized his speech a week ago, but actually being in front of people who were desperate for an internship in his firm was enough to make him laugh a little. "Hello everyone, I am Levi Ackerman and I am honored to be with you all tonight. I work with all types of cases and work for Smith and Co. Now I wanted to highlight something important tonight, something that we definitely need in our education," he started. "Money is paper, but without it, we're not successful or heard. Where money is placed is very important, not only for sustenance, but for those who want the world to commence anew, to go forward if you will. I like a lot of money, I don't like a lot of people. With money, you know its value, immediately." He snapped for emphasis, drawing chuckles from the audience. "But with people, knowing their value and will to work hard is a harder task. Not everyone catches my attention." He found himself staring directly at Eren as he said this, and for a split second, his dick was sad. "The students, the faculty, the _people_ of this institution have captured my attention, and that is why I am glad to do what I can to nurture the knowledge of its minds." Who could've known? This night was turning out to be exceptional. 

His speech ended with the roar of applause as he gave everyone a small wave and headed towards his table. 

"Are you having a good time?"

It took a while to get an answer, long enough to make Levi nervous. Eren chewed his food so slowly, it was painful but attractive to watch. 

"Yeah. I really needed this." Eren had discarded his blazer, loosened the first two buttons of his shirt, and rolled up his sleeves ages ago, but time was very relative at the moment. His watch was similar to Levi's in price and design, and suddenly Eren was hotness overload. Like what the fuck. _It's been a while since he's had dick, clearly._

"Yes." He tried to swallow again without being obvious. "I'm, uh, glad you did. Want some Buchanan's? There's some extra cranberry juice."

"I don't drink." 

"Oh. That's fine, do you just want cranberry juice?"

"Yeah. That would be great." Eren put his fork down. "I have a question, and I want you to answer me honestly." His dark eyebrows were relaxed, his mouth was trying not to smile, as if he already knew Levi's answer. "Are you enjoying yourself, like, with me?"

Oh. Of course. What kind of stupidity was this? Was Eren seriously asking this question? 

"Good, I was kind of hoping you'd say that. Maybe if you'd like to do something like this again." And how could Levi say no, deny what he's wanted at this very moment. Another mistake he would reflect on later, to give in to the potential gratification promised from another human being. But this wasn't just anyone, it was Eren, he would soon learn. 

"Dinner, next time. Now smile and be beautiful, photographers are here and I want people to nut to this picture."

* * *

For once, the echo of his apartment didn't, _did not_ , bother him. Levi's smell was still all over his blazer, and just knowing the business card was in his wallet made him feel like he was flying. It was as if his mother's phone call never happened, but Carla always managed to unhinge him which was never something new. 

 **My Jean Stallion:** you never answered my text fuck you I took Mikasa to our dinner, good luck to the next fuck buddy you have

 **You** : thanks i'll let him know

And he didn't regret the Light Mint paint all over his walls, now all he had to to was put his trophies and awards in his attic, out of sight, out of mind. Maybe Levi was just what he needed.

* * *

"You called me here for a reason and I'm honestly concerned. Look, Levi. It's not my business whatever you do with your sex life, but I want you to be with someone who could be permanent."

"Thanks, but that's not what I wanted to talk about."

Mikasa didn't really like going to his office, because everyone knew that was just Levi's domain. He knew his face was terrifying, and although it hindered his attempts at friendship as a child, now it was a blessing in the adult world. "What is this about then?" 

If he ripped the bandaid off immediately, Mikasa could react with more than something physical. If he slowed and made the eventual revelation, she could get angrier and just walk out before he could finish his statement and beat the shit out of Eren. "I had a date for the luncheon. Since you didn't want your invite, I gave it to someone else. And we have another date in a few days." He clicked the pen and clicked it again, not sure what else to say. How ironic that he can stand up to federal and state judges, but not confront his sister.

"And who is this person?"

"Eren."

Many people though Mikasa was a carbon copy of him, only female. That she also had a bitch face with no emotions. Except he could see the surprise that she tried hard to contain, and then split second hurt. "That's fine. I had a date with Jean, you're free to date whoever you wish."

He felt like kicking himself. He could spit shit at Kuchel or Kenny, but never at Mikasa. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine. I have to go now, I have an appointment." She didn't slam the door, so at least he knew he was forgiven.

* * *

Sina City was a place for fuck-ups and fun. The night wasn't completely purged in darkness, the strobes of light rays came from cars, from street lamps. He tried to walk quickly to Maria Café, because he couldn't be late or the second one to arrive. It was either be early or don't come at all, and Levi knew that pretentious habit was going to be hard to get rid of for the next three years.

The cafe had a simplistic interior design with its fake wooden floors and marble counters, perfect for formal-casual attire. His French vanilla cappuccino was still too hot to drink, but he knew Eren would arrive in ten minutes.

Over the short span of time they've been getting together, Levi actually came to realize that Eren was much more than what his first impression offered. He knew Eren came from big money, with those expensive watches, swanky apartment complexes, and a high paying job. Logically, Levi expected perhaps a typical rich boy, those he had sex with when he was in his early twenties. They had a need to prove their monetary value, maybe experiment with hardcore drugs, but sex was always in the equation with one or the other.

But with a lot in common, somehow it felt too good to be true. Eren wasn't a bullshitter, he liked his coffee black, and he was absolutely hilarious. He didn't question Levi's humor or sarcasm, and he was just as busy, which was definitely a perk. There were no desperate phone calls to his office and cellphone, no hysterics, and _You never have time for me's._

Eren was growing on him, and if it ended badly, Levi knew Eren would not hesitate with a restraining order and a scratch on his black Porsche (if Carla's attitude was in his genes). Even Kuchel noticed he was in a pretty good mood, and somehow she was convinced that Levi was still seeing Petra. Of course, she would probably disapprove once she found out Eren had a penis because one, Eren can most definitely not bear children, and two, she would make sure to make Levi pay for beating his younger sister to a romantic partner she actually had interest in. And Mikasa has a uterus, so somehow he was blocking every opportunity for a grandchild.

"Early like always." Eren smiled.

"Of course. So where do you want to go this time?"

"Mm. I don't know."

"Before you even shit out another thought, we are absolutely _not_ going to the movies again."

"Levi, you don't have to remind me you hate kids and love cats." Eren removed his cardigan, running a hand through his wind swept hair. And who could've guessed Levi felt satisfaction in doing something that wasn't sex. They've been on a few dates, and it wasn't torture. He wasn't wasting his time or had to force himself to engage in non-sexual activities with another person, being with Eren was like being twenty-four again. Which was equivalent to a lot of horrible jokes and endless food. It was fucking weird. "I was interviewed by SU's newspaper, so let's see where that goes. And _Trost_ magazine wants me to be featured for Ilse Langnar's new clothing line."

"That's great, when do you start?"

"In two weeks. I'll tell you all about it at the restaurant, I think we should get going now, before it gets darker." There were less people in the café, and someone was always checking Eren out. Right now, it was the barista, and once Eren found out, he would apologize and introduce Levi as "the boyfriend" and _bam_ , the staring transferred to Levi. It invigorated his ego, just a bit. Because Eren was with him, and no one else. He could have anyone in this entire world, but he was drinking from Levi's cappuccino and laughing at Levi's jokes. Simply put, magical and self-esteem boosting that an amazing person even wanted to be with him.

"You're right. I just want to eat, sleep."

"Same. We should go to that Portuguese restaurant near Titan Avenue. Where I can understand the menu."

"I thought you minored in Spanish."

Eren hummed, sneaking a sip from Levi's cappuccino. "I did, but I can get Portuguese a bit because they're both kind of the same."

And Levi never knew what Spanish could do to him.

* * *

He never invited anyone to his home. It was usually something he never asked verbally,  he just took the stranger or the stranger invited themselves over, trailing behind Levi as if it would be the last time they ever saw him, which was typically the truth. 

The first time Eren came over, Eren brought wine but refused to drink it with him. He had cooked a Peruvian dish and had given Levi a massage with a sinful smile. Nothing happened, and Levi tried very hard to swallow back what he really had in mind besides the tension in his back muscles, and he willingly had to ground himself to the Earth, to force himself to take it slow. 

So when they met up for the umpteenth time in his apartment and Eren refused a beer, was when Levi decided to probe Eren's adamant refusals to drink alcohol. It made him uncomfortable to see Eren feel and look uncomfortable himself, but it would haunt him forever if he didn't get an answer. He expected a religious or moral reason, but definitely not-  

"I was an alcoholic." A shrug. "Not really proud, but hey, that's life."

Levi didn't know when he had paused the movie, but the conversation called for his undivided attention. How easy it would've been to hear "I'm Muslim, so I can't" or "I don't want that in my body." The living room suddenly seemed dark, and he could hear Eren's breathing and awkward shuffling. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Um, why not? We've been going out for weeks, so the least you deserve is an explanation."

Levi shook his head. "If you don't want to, that's fine, Eren. You don't owe me any explanation if you don't feel okay about it."

"No, no. Trust me, if I didn't trust you, I wouldn't even-never...like, I wouldn't talk about it, y'know?" Hearing someone's voice crack was terrifying. Always. It's difficult to witness a vulnerability, to see someone headstrong visibly falter and feel incredible shame. "I've stopped for a year, about to be two. Getting better at saying no, but I get tempted sometimes. I fuck up. It's like trying not to pet Bean when I'm stressed." The cat raised her head at the mention of her name, but did not move from her new favorite spot: Eren's legs. Which Levi understood, but at this moment he had to be encouraging and comprehensive. Not mildly aroused and impatient.

"Well, at least I know now." He said it quietly, he wanted Eren to kiss him, and so they did. It was quick, but Levi wrapped his hands around the nape of Eren's neck, pulling him in for another.

"Wai-"

"No, no. You've had me waiting forever." He was a professional when it came to being selfish, and he let his hands and mouth take over, stroking Eren's thighs and biting Eren's shoulder. 

Yes, Eren was wearing nothing underneath his dress shirt (he had a penchant for wearing thin fabrics), Levi could practically see how Eren's torso trembled and muscles clenched. "I love your body, everything about you if you want me to be honest. Eren, look at me. Now."

Eren moaned at that, Levi's mouth hummed and Eren's lips were so fucking soft and just- "Fuck. You're mine, Levi. Mine." The television no longer existed. There was no glass table, he had no worries. Everything around him dissolved into a nothingness because all he felt was the way Eren's body hovered over his, eyes showing no restraint and all this tongue-fucking was making Levi hot and need friction.

Eren understood what he craved, he felt his chest being brushed with feather touches, hands traveling south until a finger stroked the skin underneath his boxers, then a whole hand, god it felt good, so good. Fuck his work clothes.

He felt himself getting harder, and Eren just kept palming the same area at such an unsatisfying pace until he was throbbing and pulsing painfully, his breathing quickened and he didn’t know he was moaning into Eren’s chest, a continuous repetition of mindless words. All he could bring himself to think about was unzipping these goddamn tight pants and bucking upwards, feeling limitless and just release.

"We should go to your room," Eren gasped. "Finish your fucking _baleada_ later, because this couch isn't-"

"Say that again."

"Say what?"

"The food name." Levi's voice was rasped and his lips felt warm and stung pleasantly. 

Eren's face showed confusion, until he let out such a husky laugh, and if Levi wasn't embarrassed, he would've committed that sound to memory for future references. "Do you hear yourself? You want me to speak Spanish?"

This was a startling revelation to both of them, but it sounded strange coming out of Eren's mouth. "Yes, please."

" _Lo voy hacer._ But let's go to your room, I'm dying to suck you off."

"Well, when you put it like that..."

"Case closed then." His carpet was just replaced, so he supposed breaking the room with Eren wasn't such a terrible idea. Break the bed, break everything. The moment he closed the door, Eren's body was on his, and all of his sensory functions were on overdrive. The cologne, Eren's gentle and harsh touch, the glittering green eyes and elegant sway of Eren's legs, Eren's moans in his ear. "I like feeling you like this."

"Spanish, Eren."

"Fine, _a la cama._ This kink of yours is turning me on. _Despacio, todo tiene su tiempo_." His sheets were just washed, what a shame.

"No, my turn." He made sure to keep Eren beneath him, still kissing him deeply, using his complete self-control to just not hump against Eren like a dog. Unbuttoning and keeping his mouth busy, he brushed against every sliver of skin, placing a kiss here and there, until Eren was shirtless and was clawing at his bedsheets. Levi's eyes focused rapidly, he was the one doing this to Eren, Eren was under him, writhing and moaning his name, wanting to be touched. 

"Levi." Eren's voice cracked at the second syllable, the skinny jeans were not doing him a favor at this point. He was merciful, he unbuttoned them and he stared at the black boxers, not sure if Eren was going to last long for what he planned to do. "They're Armani, you better be careful."

"Expensive boxers are never a good idea. Especially when you're the one who's going to be making a mess."

"Fuck you."

"Trust me, I want to." He nuzzled his face close to the bulge, felt Eren's fingers threading through his hair, a hiss of _"Holy shit."_

"You have to tell me what you want. Eren, be clear or fuck I'm going all out."

"I need you to touch me. Come inside me, do anything. _"_   It was impossible to separate from his carnal state, but neither could Eren and why this was turning into the hottest thing he's ever experienced, he wasn't sure. 

Levi didn't want it to end.

* * *

He felt a genuine high at just looking at stray cat hairs on his expensive shit. Eren knew that Levi was more than just a sex enthusiast. Levi was very...clean. Not literally, but his company itself was cleansing and just promised stability and a unique kind of intimacy. Jean was just dirty passion and a predictable sort of go with the flow. Sometimes Eren liked to have "kitten time," which meant cuddling with Bean and Levi parading around the house shirtless. Or a harmless dinner and Levi simply going through his work stuff.

It was as if everything toxic in his life was being dismembered. He no longer received phone calls from his mother, so he didn't know whether he should be worried, or hurt. She wanted Eren's cooperation to stop, or at least delay the divorce, but once Eren told her that it was for the best, she had given him a vague 'you're not my son/don't truly love me' speech. She could be in Paris right now, or getting it on in New York because that's just how she was. With her, it was all or nothing, and Eren couldn't help but dislike her, and felt guilty for not loving her like a son should. Grisha was a different story. He was a distant kind of love, with shady _I care about you_ 's and _do you need money?_

Mikasa avoided him, too. And Jean, Jean was calling everyday. Voicemails that yelled "Fuck you, you don't deserve me anyway" or "Babe, I miss you". They mostly consisted of the latter, and Eren didn't want to confront him, just yet. Because what would Levi actually mean to him? Levi was slowly becoming an anchor, one he didn't mind sinking with every single day or time they spent together. They enjoyed each other's company, had mindblowing sex, and Eren didn't want to have sex with anybody else, at the moment.

He wanted this to work, which is why he decided to indulge Jean and get this over with. Answer the phone, end all future contact. "Jean, why do you keep calling me?" He absentmindedly rummaged in his drawer for his fluffy socks and pajamas, god he needed to do laundry.

Hearing Jean's voice for the first time in weeks was bizarre, he pressed his phone closer to his ear, noticing how scratchy it sounded.

 _"You know that I love you, and I fucking mean that."_   Wow, he wasted no time to cut to the chase, although it was something Eren admired. Jean was brutally honest, which was great in some cases and illegal in others.

"Really? You really love me. Wow. So if you did, you wouldn't have fucked Armin, and now Mikasa."

 _"...What. Where did you hear that from?"_  

"A little birdie told me."

Eren knew how much Jean hated that phrase. _"I thought this was an open relationship. You fuck other people behind my back, too. Well, that's the pot calling the kettle black."_

Eren rolled his eyes. Would Levi actually want something serious? Was throwing away a perfectly consistent fuck buddy worth the risk? "Way to win me back. Look, I've been thinking. About us, about everything, actually. And I want something serious and exclusive. Something real. Whatever we had was a convenience and you know it."

_"Eren."_

"What?"

 _"Come over, and we can talk about this, face to face."_ He almost said no, it was posed on his throat, but why not? End everything, cut all ties with Jean, focus on Levi and what they have now, whatever it is. 

"I will, just stop calling me."

_"Come over now. Please."_

"It's almost eleven, you idiot."

_"Parties don't start until eleven."_

"Going to your house isn't equivalent to a party. I will though, just to keep my peace of mind."

* * *

Jean didn't live that far from him. Yet he still saw it fit to not wear his pajamas because he wanted this to be a serious conversation, and Jean will be deaf to anything said if Eren wore Hello Kitty socks.

Like him, Jean lived in a more expensive area of the city, near expensive convenience stores and delis. It was tiring just looking at Jean's door, the many tines he's walked this hallway to have sex, then to leave, feeling just as unsatisfied as before. Kind of nostalgic somehow, the times they were young and thought the world was theirs. Everything was possible.

He wanted to thank Jean for always being a personalized crutch, but what help would that be if he was about to stand on his own for the first time. How was this supposed to work?

"Hey."

Jean's hazel colored eyes contrasted beautifully against his freckles. God, it was hard just to be in his presence. Jean always had this effect on him. Throughout college and most of his teenage and adult life, Jean Kirschtein was probably his only constant, and he suddenly didn't want to do this.

"We need to...discuss things, and that's the only reason I came late as fuck." He gave Jean a once-over, inwardly cringing at his Minions shirt and Crocs. He could only imagine what Levi would say.

"Can I get you anything, water or juice?"

"Water is fine, no ice."

"Sensitive teeth, right."

And that was the thing with all of _this_ , they knew every little thing that had to do with each other. Remembered important things last minute all the time, and sometimes it was mushy, sometimes it was life-threatening. Like the time Jean failed to tell Eren there was cinnamon in the apple pie, but it was too late because many bites had been taken, which resulted in an unwarranted allergy attack. "Yeah. So, I'll just get right to it." Planning his words was easy, but actually saying them was gonna hurt. Jean could convince him to do anything. He had be assured of his decision, enough to never look back." I don't think this, whatever we have, is working out." He tried to keep his words light and tone gentle, be more implicit than explicit. Jean's wilting smile was inevitable, regardless. 

"We've always been like this." _Exactly, it's always been like this, and I'm tired of it._

"Yeah, that's...the problem. I want something personal and long-term, Jean, we're twenty-six. Almost hitting the big thirty." Jean wasn't looking at him anymore, but his heart pounded painfully. This had to be more serious than any interview he's ever had. He knew Jean, knew everything that had to with him and his existence.

"What we have is fine."

"To you. We're face to face like you wanted. I'm seeing someone right now."

It was quiet, disgustingly quiet like it was when Marco had that car accident five years ago. Now Marco was fine, but he wanted Jean nowhere near him. "You're lying."

"No, I'm not. Man, I've been going on dates, and doing actual relationship stuff. I like him, and trust me, _I like it._ "

"Who is he?" Jean said it so bitterly, Eren almost wanted to keep that information to himself. But he knew Jean would find out one way or another. 

"Mikasa's brother. His name's Levi."

"That big shot lawyer of the city? So you're chasing an old man."

"He's two years older than me, dumbass. Don't be petty."

"So you're serious? You're actually going to leave me and everything we have? And I'm being fucking _petty_?"

Eren sighed. This was exactly what he was trying to avoid, but the deed was done. He officially kicked Jean out of his life. It felt pretty good for a moment, until he registered blistering heat on his chest and the shattering of a glass mug. The fake ice cubes spun on the floor, and one worked itself in his shoe.

Jean actually threw boiling coffee at him, and wow, how did he not see that coming.

"Shit." His chest burned and Jean still hadn't said anything. Tears threatened to escape and they would've if he wasn't so pissed. "Getting all this coffee off is going to take two trips to the dry cleaners." He tried to be more calm, but he couldn't go home like this. "You're fucked up." Moving his arm was impossible without feeling the harsh stinging sensation, and he couldn't even retaliate if he wanted to. 

"I'll get you another shirt, just wait," Jean muttered, disappearing in the long hallway. Not even an apology. He sat there, shirtless and angry, wondering what Levi would say about this, too. 

* * *

When Hange came back from her vacation, she wasted no time in submerging herself in every detail of Levi's life. She knew when he shaved his pubes, when his gym membership expired, and who was his recent sexual partner. It was terrifying, because one minute his mind noted Hange's sporting Caribbean tan, and the next she was slapping down an issue of _Trost_ magazine on top of his paperwork. 

"So?"

"Hello to you, too." He was well aware of Eren's fucking beautiful face on the cover, his lethal eyes projected an immediate erection like it was second nature. 

"I heard you're canoodling with a Middle Eastern slash European babe." She squinted, like Kuchel on non-Bingo days.

"Ah. Interesting."

"Eren Jaeger. So."

"What the fuck do you want me to say? Good job, Velma. Here's a Scooby snack you nosy bitch." He stopped looking at the files and gave Hange the most serious stare he could manage, one he reserved for the bitchiest judge. "We're gonna set this shit straight, right now. I am currently, and yes I'm surprised as well, in a sexual and romantic relationship with Eren Jaeger. Please keep my shit from him to yourself. He's not another Petra, or Mike for you to be telling my darkest secrets to. I know you Hange, which is why I'm saying this. Don't get involved. I'm actually trying _not_ to fuck up."

She opened her mouth to say something, but clearly thought better of it. "Fine. I'll keep your shit to myself." She stood abruptly, and slammed the door. What is it with everyone lately? Slamming doors? He knew she was hurt and was just thirsting for gossip, but sometimes you have to set your friends straight. He finally drew a line, although it hadn't ended well like he'd want it to. It was a deja-vu, except it wasn't Mikasa this time.

* * *

"I like it when you touch me, because you're always so cold. Like a walking frozen chicken drumstick."

Levi snorted, pressing his fingertips on the fading burn. It looked painful, but touching Eren and seeing him cringe let him know that shit hurt.

"I can't believe you spilled coffee on yourself. It must've been hot as fuck."

"No shit." Eren shook his head, shoving his head through the maroon sweater vest hole, on top of his dress shirt. They were getting ready for Isabel's baby shower, and it's official: a boy. Farlan wouldn't stop calling every half-hour, because when the fuck are the godfathers coming, he cried. 

Isabel wasn't surprised to discover that Levi and Eren were a thing, and was actually happy that her big bro and her potato had decided to "forge and bring love to fruition" (She really had to stop reading those sappy romance novels and the Bible at the same time). Ever since then, she proclaimed them the godparents of Farlan Jr. and there was no going back.

"Levi, help me tie my tie." 

"It's a good thing you're attractive, if I'm being honest."

"It's a good thing you have a cute dick."

"Eren, stop." He hummed distractedly, focusing on the golden tint in Eren's eyes and the outline of his dick in those black pants.

"You know, we do have time to sin before we get to the reception," Eren whispered, smirking and brushing his crotch lightly. Levi laughed, flattening the tie.

"We can sin when we get back. Isabel is almost ready to pop and we're basically dads." Shaking his head, Eren grabbed the keys and sighed.

"I can't believe you rejected one of _my_ blowjobs, like what the fuck."

"Get in the car, Eren. You can blow me in Isabel's guestroom, I still have the keys." 

Turning on the ignition, he took the time to appreciate this night and the moment. All those years in AP classes and law school have brought him to this very second, and Eren was smiling at the road, humming along to some pop jargon from the radio. 

He's never actually loved someone before, really loved them. He's had intense feelings, but this one just threw him out the loop, not sure if this harmony itself was love. So when everyone raised their hands to wave at Levi and kiss Eren on the cheek too enthusiastically, he allowed himself to smile at the congratulations. Farlan Jr.was in good hands, Isabel was fat like a whale and crying, and Eren kept whispering "guest room" in his ear with a childish glee. God, this was oddly similar to the time he sucked his first dick in college. Except there was good music and he had a mullet. They excused themselves, and the moment he saw the door, he regretted this proposition. But sating Eren won't be possible for the next five hours.

"Isabel used to tell me fairytales when I was a kid," Eren whispered, playing with his hair, only a strip of moonlight came through the window. They decided to lie down, the bed big enough for the both of them, and the walls vibrated slightly from the DJ's music. No one missed out, except them of course. 

"Tell me one. Practice for Farlan Jr."

Eren shifted around, settling on his elbows. "I mean, it's been long. So there was a princess who was born, and everyone in the kingdom was invited."

"I know who Sleeping Beauty is."

"Shut up! Okay, look. I'm practicing. I'm shit at this. So, everyone in the kingdom was invited except the king's sister." Eren always looked cute when he blew raspberries. "She was offended and decided to give the princess a gift as well, or a curse and stuff.  So then-"

"You're shit at telling stories."

"Shut the fuck up."

"Where are they! They're the _motherfucking godfathers_ , Jesus."

Levi froze. "Fuck. It's Isabel."

"No shit," Eren whispered back.

The door rattled every time she banged her fist on it. "I know you're in there, you gay sluts! Come out now, we're cutting the cake!"

Eren was crying. "I'm scared."

"This is what you get for wanting dick." Levi murmured. 

_"Excuse me."_

* * *

He's never actually spoken to Jean, only saw him once at the family reunion. But one peaceful moment he was debating between a salted caramel latte and plain coffee, and it vanished when he made eye contact with none other than Eren's horse. He didn't know if he should be concerned. "Can I help you?"

"So you're Eren's new toy." What a greeting for a perfect day.

"That's one way to put it. I like how you answered my question with a question." His smartass mouth used to get him in trouble in college, but it was a useful tool in the outside world where everyone's trying to shit on you. 

He noted how similarly Jean dressed like Eren, with a casual but preppy style. He could trace the slightest French undertone in Jean's Engish, but also see the bite in his personality that was sexually appealing."Eren's going to dump you after he's done, just like he's done with everybody else."

"And I should give a fuck, why?"

"He used to be an alcoholic. Can't teach an old dog new tricks." Wow.

"Look, if you want to be childish, go ahead. I'm trying to get caffeine and time is money." Another day, another dollar. Still, angering an ex was never a good idea, something Levi also learned in college. Because he could finally see that Jean meant serious business-- because Eren must have fucked him over _good_.

"Really? Want a truth cookie?" What the fuck is a truth cookie? And what could Eren have done to this guy to warrant this kind of hostile behavior? He almost turned around, decided to ignore an idiot who's probably still licking his wounds and fucking someone else to feel empowered again. "He's still fucking me, and I'm still fucking him. Did he ever tell you that?" Jean looked triumphant, as if he finally had a playing card Levi didn't know of. And he guessed Jean did, because suddenly his stomach swirled with nausea, and Petra's face merged with Eren's in a sickening way. "He came to see me. I have a picture of him right here after a session, in my phone." He didn't want to look, but he did anyway, and there Eren was, crystal clear, shirtless and sitting on the couch casually, like he's probably done many times before, the night before Isabel's baby shower. His pants were from the Isle Langnar line, so he knew Jean wasn't shitting around. He was so stupid. He felt so stupid. But he allowed his face to show nothing, and forced his organs to stay inside where they belonged. After all, evidence could make or break a case. And he supposed it was time to close Eren's, even if it was incredibly fun while it lasted.

"Get the _fuck_. Out of my face." 

* * *

He didn't know how he got home, how he drove without being conscious of doing so, but he did. Bean curled on his lap, asleep, his whole apartment was immersed in darkness. He closed the curtains, shut the windows, turned off every appliance that made noise. But he felt nothing, just empty. He sat on the couch, focusing solely on Bean's warmth.

Nothing could have ever prepared him to see Eren coming through the door, a grin on his face, unaware that Levi caught him on the lie. That he was a fucking piece of shit, and how could Levi have not seen this coming? Eren was young, still figuring things out. All those whispered rumors of Eren being a playboy turned out to be true. God. Fuck.

Eren slipped off his coat, it was all habitual because he practically lives here. "Why did you turn off all the lights?"

"Because I can."

Raising his eyebrows and flipping the switch, the white fluorescence was all Levi could observe without losing his composure. "Um. Okay. Well, I just got my pay check, so dinner's on me tonight."

"Let's have a civil conversation. Okay? Although it's the last thing you deserve." 

"What are you talking about?" Eren's smile disappeared completely from his face, and this was the disgusting, main event. The Confrontation. The part where he rips the bandaid off and has to settle for a complete internal emotional meltdown. And Eren would not see it coming, but no--Levi didn't consider himself some jealous asshole who would beat a cheating partner to mend his pride. But he barely had hopes for Petra. With Eren, there was a future his mind had crafted, one where they would be together even if their dicks stopped having the ability to stiffen. He even hurt his sister to be with him. Seriously. 

And that's when he felt himself snap. All the anger from Petra and now Eren's to account for, well, he never felt the urge to throw things before. There has to be a first for everything. "You are such a piece of shit, and I swear to god, you stand there and look at me like you haven't lied to my fucking face." When he as angry, he didn't scream, or turn red, or cry. He got deadly calm, so empty that he couldn't feel his facial muscles.

Eren just blinked, eyebrows making a V, mouth curling downwards, like he always did when he was starting to get pissed. "Look. I don't know what the _fuck_ you're talking about. So calm down and stop talking in fucking riddles." 

"You think I wouldn't find out that you're fucking Jean behind my back. There, that's the motherfucking problem you unstable fuck."

Eren's face became blank, eyes squinting. "I'm going to ignore the unstable part. I come home and you're attacking me. What the hell is your problem? I never slept with Jean, the last time I did was the day of your family reunion. We haven't fucked since I've started seeing you. I don't know where the fuck this is all coming from and I would appreciate it if you just told me what's your fucking deal!" His calmness went out the window, and Levi wanted to laugh. Even now, Eren struggled to contain himself, but Levi always loved how easily unhinged Eren's emotions were. 

"You're cheating, committing adultery, whatever the fuck you want to call it, and you're just like people said you were." He was extremely talented at being an asshole, he could make his hard ass mother cry, he made Erwin cry once. What would Hange say?  _"You're projecting your emotions, Levi. Oh, honey. You're something else."_

"And what exactly is that? Tell me. Tell me what I don't know." Eren looked beautiful. Always did, and now wasn't any different. Except Levi could see it, the echo of the mess Eren probably was back then.

"I said it. An unstable fuck. A piece of shit."

"Okay." The way Eren said it was not okay, and if tears were coming, Levi didn't know what he would do. He hated seeing anyone cry. "I'll tell you what I see. A man with a stupid midlife crisis who uses sex to repress his emotional problems and need for company. A selfish piece of shit who uses his money to get his way and thinks he's entitled to everything. But you know what, I know you'll never get over Petra Ral. And what she did to you. Face it, you're fucking bitter." Levi attempted to brace himself, but like he's told many others, he's not an unemotional fuck. What was worse was the way Eren said it. Truthfully flat. "Why don't you run back to her then? Why are you here, fucking wasting my time? Thinking I'm cheating on you and whatever else. I thought you were supposed to be the best lawyer in the city."

"Maybe I will," Levi snapped, "She'll at least have the courtesy to fuck someone else in front of me, to formally end things. Not have a butthurt Frenchie attack me because he wasn't fucking a _vacuous_ model." No, no. This was going all wrong. Eren looked absolutely struck, and Levi couldn't swallow back his words, make Eren _un_ hear them. And he couldn't unhear Eren's words either, because. Well.  

"Fuck you, Levi."

* * *

Eren remembered his high school yearbook all of a sudden. He was not only voted 'Most Beautiful Eyes', but he also fell under the category of 'Most Aggressive Student Athlete.' Jean was probably home, and the only person who would ever think about filling Levi's brain with shit would be him. He stumbled to the hallway that led him to Jean's door, polished wood and fuck he couldn't walk. "What the fuck, Jean. Like what the fuck!" Banging his fist harshly was probably something he'll regret later, because it _burned._ He didn't even notice the door open.

"Eren. Are you drunk?"

"That doesn't matter right now. What did you tell Levi?"

"I didn't lie. We have something. And you can't fucking leave me."

"That's bullshit. We don't." His throat felt raw, voice hoarse. He couldn't even yell if he wanted to. Jean's neighbors probably heard his nonsense and shitbanging. His vision began to swim, the nausea with himself, with Jean, with everything in his life that always wanted to fuck him over. He didn't know he was on his knees, but he was, and his face was warm, tears were making it hard to see. "Levi was everything. He was the only one, I don't know. I can't fix this. And you just, you just fucked shit up for me. I hate you, and I would fucking beat he shit out of you if I could." A wave of exhaustion made it difficult to breathe, how he craved to be in his room, with his stupid Pastel Jade walls. His safe and sounds. Only silence accommodated this mess. 

"What happened to your face, it's all red." 

"My vessels popped. Cinnamon crackers." He didn't want to be awake right now, but he knew Jean somehow dragged him to the couch. 

"Fine, look, I'll try to fix this."

"No. Fuck you, I'm leaving this place. For once in my meaningless life I have someone who fucking cares." 

"Eren, calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down, don't do that. Don't tell me anything, you're fucked up. You fucked me over."

"Eren." He wished there was some special sort of breeze to cleanse everything, take everything away, but he hit a nerve now because Jean was outright crying next to him. And that's why he downed a few shots. It smudged the ugly until he couldn't see it anymore. Jean's voice was nothing solid, it became a meaningless echo of what he could have had, could have been. And not just with Levi.

That's how he put it in his mind, because there was nothing beautiful about passing out in Jean's living room, crying and hoping Levi would come back and believe him.

* * *

The days that came were strange. He honestly expected the world to stop, just for him, to let him ponder. But there were people who still wanted a consultation, his phone bill was due, a meeting at four. Time became irrelevant again. Molding to his precious routine, post-Petra, pre-Eren. His grocery shopping budget went down, he had more time to do his paperwork and filing, and he had more time to feel like shit. Going back to Trost Hotel and re-downloading Grindr was a consideration, but skeeving off into sex was probably as petty as destroying Olou's stash of antiseptic ointment. Also, proving Eren right was not going to turn into a priority.

So he did what he knew best.

Feeling comfortable in his body was always innate, he pulled the weight up against gravity, feeling the pleasant burn of his cords tightening up and loosening.

The gym became his solace, he did leg work, toning, some yoga. Sometimes he liked to teach swimming or Pilates to the seniors, and it was nice. Of course he made the mistake of bringing Eren so now the lemons and staff knew about him, and he wasn't in the mood to be reminded of Eren himself. Yet he still exchanged recipes with the ladies and avoided the treadmill. Being alone again, well, it hurt more than it should. He knew what it was like to have the seat beside him with a person, a person who told him how their day was, what new show they should watch, share stupid jokes with. Of course, the yearning always finished with anger and betrayal, so thoughts of wanting to be with someone made him glad to be alone. And the cycle would repeat.

The ridiculous thing was that everything reminded him of Eren. And it made him want to scream, dip his brain in bleach.The treadmill (Eren loves to run), coffee (Eren probably had one by now), it's four o'clock (Eren left the studio). Sometimes they would race at the pool and go to Starbucks after a hardcore session. Eren would be in the showers, running a towel through his hair and reading a magazine.

He decided to temporarily end his gym membership. How he hated to be reduced to a lovesick and bitter man. Age was no longer an excuse, youth equated hurt, but being twenty-eight and mourning? He had a damn degree, he passed the bar exam, could recite the list of American presidents.This required more self-loathing sessions at home. Where Bean can cry and pointlessly wait for Eren's legs to come back. 

* * *

"My life has officially turned into a fuckfest. Historia, cancel all my meetings today."

 _"Sir, you have someone waiting here. Ms. Mikasa."_  

"Call her in. No more after her."

It was a long time and surreal to see Mikasa standing in front of his desk, her hair now brown and curled, her pale delicate hands clenched into malicious fists that were probably a second away from connecting with his face. "Welcome to my humble abode, how may I help you dear sister?"

"What the fuck, Levi. What the fuck." She said his name like it was Kuchel's cooking, and now he knew this wasn't good.

"What? What did I do this time?"

"Eren. Why aren't you speaking to him?"

"That's not my problem."

"Jean was lying. Did you ever think about that? You're being immature, not even willing to hold a civil conversation." Ha, a civil conversation. How he uttered those words before his life become this. She looked impatient and covered her face, and Levi felt his stomach flip as her eyes watered. This was unexpected and completely unfixable. "He wanted something serious." 

One wrong word and it will be the last time she speaks to him. "He's fucking Jean." His gut clenched at the thought again.

"I really loved him. A lot. Still do, but he's my little brother. And I don't know what he saw in your ass, but if something or someone as stupid as Jean could make you act like a piece of shit-"

"How the hell would you know that?"

"He told me. After Eren had a breakdown and passed out. He just wanted Eren back." She looked at his paper work blankly. "Jean is my side, so I have no reason to lie to you."

"So what the fuck do you want me to do?"

"Levi. I swear to God, and this is the only time I'm being Christian, if Eren has a relapse and fucks himself up, you don't ever speak to me. You don't know what it was like when we were all messed up." She looked at his penis painting. "Fix this. And that too."

* * *

He had this problem where he thought too much. Doesn't everyone? Always, like there was some shit going on in his head, where not only did he question his existence, but the magnitude of it if he ever happened to die. Hange called him a thought-fucker. 

If Levi could summarize his inner monologue from the past few weeks, it would include thoughts like: Does he not want me? Was it something I did? When people cheat, it's because they lacked whatever they wanted, something vital. Or maybe he was always in love with Jean?

It physically hurt to stand in the hallway that led to Jean's apartment, and he just wanted to run, forget about this and start over. It's not like he was going die from all these shitty things, but he also felt like a high schooler longing for his extremely hot ex-girlfriend. So it still stung to see Jean open the door. 

His tongue felt stapled down. "Where's Eren?"

Just saying his name felt so good, but it was a contrast to Jean's surprised face, little 'o' forming on his pretty boy lips. "He's not here."

"I can see that."

Jean nodded. "No. I meant he's not here. In the city. In the state." He said slowly. 

"So where is he?" What the hell?

"I don't know. He disappears like that when he's y'know, conflicted. Could be sleeping at a dump in New York or pole dancing in Delaware." 

"What do you mean, conflicted?"

Jean seemed like he was in physical pain as he exhaled sharply. "When he has a breakdown. He just leaves and may or may not come back. It's hard to tell, Eren's like that. If you really want to find him, Isabel or Armin's your guide."

Eren's like that. He may or may not come back. And just imagining Eren passed out on a heap of trash in an alley was enough to make his tongue taste bile. "Thanks."

"No problem." 

Sometimes he loved driving aimlessly, but right now it was different. Because he didn't know where Eren could possibly be and to ask Isabel right now would worry her. 

So he settled for Erwin, whom he hasn't spoken to since the luncheon. _"Erwin Smith."_

"Erwin."

There was static. "Levi? How are you?"

"I need Armin's number."

A pause. "May I ask why?"

"Its something personal. Uh, an emergency." He hated how he stuttered to say that.

"Sure, I'll text it to you."

"Thanks. I owe you one."

* * *

Sometimes he liked to see the distance cut short, the trees thin, and the occasional cloud breezing by into some kind of nature smoothie. Grisha valued nature and would always take him to hiking trips as a kid. Now he went alone, but he always ventured to the ocean. It pulled him in, mile by mile, promising to make him forget. It also reminded him of Armin's marine biology days. In his rusty van, along with Mikasa and Jean, they would accompany him to impromptu trips to estuaries and lakes. It was cool, but now Armin was fucking his boss and obsessed with microbiology. 

When he was thirteen, he fell in love with reading and music. He also realized he liked dick, but that's a story for another day. Eren sighed, because even as he got farther and farther away from Levi, he still wanted to call him. 

After he passed out that day, he went home, showered, shaved, and stayed inside his room. His phone was powered off, so he felt at peace for being disconnected from the world. He also felt the guilt gnaw at him, because Isabel didn't know his whereabouts, and she was pretty close to popping at any moment. 

So with a quick call to Armin, he had a motorcycle, Frank Ocean's album, protein shakes, and thirty bucks. The Jersey shore was beautiful, just as he remembered. Only now he felt tired and kind of lonely. In a good way, there were no children to scream or interrupt his thoughts, or force him to crush his cigarette. An old couple walked by, the man holding a metal detector and the woman a camera. Levi didn't like taking selfies with him because he felt 'incredibly ugly next to Eren's model face perfection.' He wanted to go back to therapy, maybe take up the violin again. Eren tipped his cap to shield himself from the sun, a walk would make everything better.

* * *

It was surreal to see him, actually see him breathing and fucking existing. His memories did Eren no justice, because he was just as amazing as before, except now he looked peaceful sitting in front of the ocean, alone and unbothered. It felt weird to interfere with that, but he had to because it looked like Eren was about to leave. Fuck it though, he sat next to him silently, watching the mini waves slip and slide. "Hey."

Eren didn't say anything, he just dragged the cigarette out of his lips and exhaled. They sat quietly, next to each other but not touching. After Levi almost lost his mind, he finally got a croaked "Hey" back.

"How are you?"

"I've been better." Levi hated smoking, and he knew Eren did too, so. Yeah.

"You're smoking." He said.  _What the fuck, Levi? That was so stupid, even for you. Choke on your semen._

Eren "mmmed" and looked at its tip glow orange, then black, then orange. "I hate it, but it's fucking satisfying for things you don't want to think about."

"Ah. And what don't you want to think about?"

A shrug. "My mom always hated the beach, I wanted to major, in like marine stuff. I was gonna be some oceanographer. Then my parents lost their shit, so business it was. I also lost Armin's debit card before the GRE's, so even back then, my life was some Mexican soap opera. My nanny was so fucking cool. Went down to her funeral a few months ago. Rose, or Rosa, it depended on her mood."

It seemed rude to interrupt, but he wanted to listen. He steadied his gaze on the swirls of smoke. "Who told you I was here?" Eren asked suddenly.

"You already know who, don't play dumbass."

"Right." 

"Are you coming back, to Sina?" There was no reason to really ask that question _now_ , and he felt a sliver of fear--because maybe he fucked up. Levi hated denying the inevitable and was always one to rip the bandaid and spoil movies, but Eren's silence was worse than a quick "hell no". Because at least he would have a grasp on whatever he may be thinking. Eren wasn't the type to shelter his thoughts, but being thought-zoned did burn a bit. They could've kept talking, breathing next to each other and hating the smoke.

"Maybe. I don't know."

He cleared his throat, regretting the Big Mac he had a few hours earlier. It might come up, and who knows what else? "Uh, I want to tell you something."

Eren threw the cigarette on the wet sand, the ocean creeping up to swallow it in. His green eyes were just--god. Words are hard. "Yeah?"

"You're--like, you're really important to me. I care about you."

"Same." Levi knew it was going to be one of those conversations where it was either him or Eren who would start crying. And it was Eren who wiped his face with his sleeve.

"No, listen. Look, I'm gonna be honest with you. My attraction to people, when I want to have something with somebody, I only like the, I look for the physical part. And when I saw you, I just really wanted someone to fuck. So clearly that plan backfired because here we are."

Eren laughed, but it wasn't funny. None of it was."Eren, shut the fuck up. I'm being honest here. Everything you hate about yourself, I love that shit. I don't know why, but you're hot and funny, you actually aren't stupid, which is a deadly combination for any bisexual man."

"I love you, you're such a piece of shit. And I know I can't invest myself completely in you because I, I've been thinking about this whole mental health thing. It's been on my mind since you called me an unstable fuck--no, Levi, it's okay. I want to seek help, love myself."

"I'm sorry. For everything."

"I know. And if you want to put some distance between us-"

"No. Absolutely not," Levi cut off flatly, his lawyer voice coming out. "I want something not platonic with you. It doesn't matter, I want to be here for you emotionally, whatever that entails." He held Eren's wrist, tracing the veins and simply reveling at coexistence. 

"God. I have to face my father. Mom, Isabel." Levi smiled, smoothing Eren's shirt like he would when they had an intense make out session.   

"If you think that's your biggest problem right now, you're wrong. Isabel popped last night and it would only be appropriate of Farlan Jr.'s godfathers went to go visit him. And _I'm_ riding the motorcycle with you." 

**Author's Note:**

> I want to thank everyone who's been reading my stories. I've been feeling down/sad/not snazzy, idk this was more self-indulgent than anything i've ever written, idk what this is, i hate it but whoops, i should post something :^((( bc i like to get rekt
> 
> Thanks to dottie, whose comments made my day. All of this is unbeta'd, so if someone wants to fix things up, message me on tumblr. All of my works are under revision!! Send me prompts on tumblr: dicktatorial


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